Loss and healing of your beloved pet
- Sara Sturges
- Aug 31, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: Nov 20, 2019
Navigating the loss of a family pet and opening your heart back up to loving a new furry friend.
Loss & healing of furry family members
I'm an Upstate New York girl, born and raised. I've lived in Arizona for 15 years now, but a big piece of my heart still dwells in NY.
I go home every summer to visit my family, and every year it gets harder and harder to leave them and the place I grew up. If you're close to your parents energetically, but far from them in a sense of distance, then you get me. These past two years I've gone home, it seems I'm being called back for much more than relaxation in the hammock and walking around barefoot- although these activities still happen in smaller sips.
Last summer, our family dog, a Jack Russell named Eddie, passed away unexpectedly during my visit. I helped my parents bury Eddie, and it was one of the saddest and hardest things I've ever done. But being there with my mom and Paul (my stepfather, who's been in my life since I was 3-years-old), to hug and support them during their time of grief, was one of the most beautiful and honorable things I've ever done. Seeing my parents grieve, made it feel like it was my own grief, and really for someone who is sensitive to energy like me...it was. Not to mention, I had my own connection with Eddie. Have you experienced the loss of a beloved pet?
After Eddie passed, the idea of adopting another dog surfaced and we miraculously found a Jack Russell at the Ithaca SPCA in need of a good home. Can you believe that?! His name is Harry (another human name!) and he is the calmest, sweetest dog. We all fell in love with him instantly. He has the same owner history as Eddie (male owner who passed away). Harry immediately gravitated to Paul when we met him at the SPCA, which was good because Paul was starting to have second thoughts about his readiness to open his heart to another dog.
Since they took him home last summer, Harry has brought much joy into their home and hearts, as dogs typically do, right? But just a week ago, he was attacked by our neighbor's dog, Remee, for the second time, and was bit all over his back end. He was hurt badly. Paul jumped in between the dogs to save Harry, and was also bit. Mom was at work when it happened, so Paul had to drive himself and Harry to get medical help. I can't even imagine how scared they both must have been! Our neighbors put their dog down as a result. Such a sad situation overall. So much hurting.
A day after I arrived from Arizona, Harry was not doing well at all. He wouldn't get out of his dog bed and when we carried him outside to use the bathroom, he couldn't put weight down on his left paw or walk. We decided to bring him back to the vet, all of us secretly thinking we might not be back to pick him up alive. After we dropped him, the underlying fear of Harry passing permeated my mom and Paul, showing up in bursts of irritability, sadness and worry. We were all on-edge.
After two nights at the vet (Harry needed some extra care), he was able to come home. We've been taking turns caring for him- applying warm compresses to his belly and back end-over the wounds, followed by Neosporin and antibiotic pills. We're keeping a cone on his head to prevent him from licking at the bites, and it's pretty comical to see him misjudge his space and surroundings with it on. His energy level is up a bit, and he's moving around now, which is a night and day difference from Thursday.
Even though our neighbor's dog caused a lot of sadness and pain in our family, I still feel bad that they lost their pet as a result. Paul wrote a letter to our neighbor's 12-year-old girl, Ava, who owned Remee. Sharing the letter here, as it touched my heart deeply.
Have you lost a pet? What are some things you did or said that helped you grieve and heal? Did you invite another pet back into your home & heart?
Here are some ways my family and I grieved and ways we honored Eddie last summer, which may be helpful for you:
Put our hands on his body as he was transitioning (his body was still warm when we found him, so we wanted him to know we were with him as he transitioned into death)
Saged his body after he passed
Asked our neighbor for assistance in digging his grave with their backhoe (it was hot and humid, and we couldn't possibly dig deep enough with a shovel. This part was hard, as we were all feeling so raw, and didn't really want to invite people into our home at this point.)
Cried, cried, and cried some more
Hugged each other
Made a sign out of wood with his name on it, which marked his gravesite
Talked about the loss with our close friends and family
Went to a spa in Ithaca, where we all got massages (mom had her therapist focus on her heart area, and she allowed herself to cry during her treatment)
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